


give me one last kiss (while we’re far too young to die)

by rainbow_porcupine_ninja



Series: the crown hangs heavy on either side [1]
Category: Arthurian Mythology & Related Fandoms, Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arthur finds out about Merlin’s Magic, Based On A Panic! At The Disco Song, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Requited Love, Song Lyrics, can’t believe that’s an actual tag, please read anyways I poured my heart and soul into this, thanks beebo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 00:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20398765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbow_porcupine_ninja/pseuds/rainbow_porcupine_ninja
Summary: ∞ ‘Just… stay with me,’ Arthur mumbles, smiling up at his manservant, a sunflower to the sun. That doesn’t make much sense— Arthur is always going to be the sun; bright and real and terrifying. Not something to look at for too long. But now Merlin is looking, all right. And it is killing him.Arthur brushes his fingers over Merlin’s gently. ‘Tell me. How many more times have you saved my life?’Merlin smiles, eyes crinkling and tears threatening to overflow. ‘As you wish.’ ∞





	give me one last kiss (while we’re far too young to die)

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of the song ’Far Too Young To Die‘ by Panic! At the Disco... thanks guys! I don’t own the lyrics of course, all Panic’s amazing work!
> 
> This is, like the first angsty angst I’ve ever written, so please know what you think! And if there are any mistakes, I don’t like writing in present tense (I just thought it was better for the context) and sometimes I reverted back while writing.
> 
> Blatant self-promo: Come cry with me on tumblr @arthurlervesmerlin or my main, @rainbowdolphinsattack

Merlin watches as Arthur’s breathing becomes shallow and weak, slipping away as time trickles through his broken fingers. Merlin pushes Arthur’s matted hair away from his forehead, not daring to look away from his king for more than one second.

‘So,’ Arthur says weakly. This was the first time he has spoken in over half an hour. ‘Magic, eh?’

Merlin busies himself with Arthur’s dressings, checking in vain for progress then sits back on his haunches.

_ I’ve never so adored you _

_ I’m twisting allegories now _

‘I was born with it,’ Merlin whispers after some time. ‘I've never had a choice in the matter.’ 

Arthur smiles faintly. ‘That’s quite unsurprising,  _ Mer _ lin. you’d never seem to be the type to  _ learn _ something.’

Merlin scowls halfheartedly yet he feels that familiar fondness for Arthur bubbling up inside him, a dam threatening to overflow. Of course Arthur is making jokes at Merlin’s expense on his _deathbed… _Merlin chokes, eyes filling with tears as he rearranges his own sweater as a pillow for Arthur’s head. 

_ I want to complicate you _

_ Don’t let me do this to myself _

They had set up camp in the woods on Arthur’s command after stumbling together through the trees hoping to find Avalon. Merlin still feels the urgency thrumming through his veins. He needs to save Arthur, he needed to know that Arthur would be all right.

‘Sire, can we keep going now?’ Merlin whispers to his dying king. ‘I know that you’re tired, but Avalon can’t be far now….’

_ I’m chasing rollercoasters  _

_ I’ve got to have you closer now _

Arthur sighs and clasps Merlin’s hand, threading their fingers together and placing their joined hands on his heart. 

‘Just… stay with me,’ Arthur mumbles, smiling up at his manservant, a sunflower to the sun. That doesn’t make much sense— Arthur is always going to be the sun; bright and real and terrifying. Not something to look at for too long. But now Merlin is looking, all right. And it is killing him.

Arthur brushes his fingers over Merlin’s gently. ‘Tell me. How many more times have you saved my life?’

Merlin smiles, eyes crinkling and tears threatening to overflow. ‘As you wish.’

_ Endless romantic stories _

_ You never could control me _

Merlin tells him everything. How can he not? He will write them in the stars if he has to, just to remember. It spills out of him like rain from clouds; from their first encounter, to Balinor’s death, to Dragoon, to Kilgharrah. Arthur closes his eyes and lets Merlin’s words wash over him, an attempt to heal the wounds caused by his ignorance, perhaps? 

It is to no avail. The wounds will never close and soon Merlin will be all alone, with his Arthur gone beneath the veil.

Merlin tells him about the time he turned Arthur into a donkey, and the time that he killed Agravaine. He tells him about the unicorn. He tells him about Lancelot.

Merlin knows that he will never run out of stories to share, and yet he finishes speaking with the finality of an old dog lying on his master’s grave one last time. The sun begins to trickle through the trees, catching fire in Arthur’s hair and travelling through the blue of his eyes. 

_ Well I never really thought you would come tonight while the crown _

_ Hangs heavy on either side _

Arthur takes a shuddering breath and squeezes Merlin’s hand. ‘Show me some.’

Merlin starts in surprise. ‘Sire, I-‘

_ ‘Arthur _ ,’ the king corrects harshly, causing another coughing fit and Merlin’s thoughts to spiral… It’s too late, they don’t have long, he—

Arthur finishes coughing and tugs on Merlin’s lanky fingers. ‘Show me magic, Merlin.’

Merlin grits his teeth, afraid. What if Arthur doesn’t like what he sees? Merlin won’t be able to live with himself. Still, he holds out a trembling hand, sending a golden dragon shooting through the air, up and up and up, through the woods until disappearing in the dappled light. 

Arthur smiles. ‘Your eyes light up when you do it, don’t they? The colour of fire. I wish I’d seen them sooner.’

_ Give me one last kiss while we’re _

_ Far too young to die _

Merlin wipes away a tear from his king’s cheek and keeps his hand resting there, stroking, caressing. 

‘I’ve hurt you, haven’t I, Merlin?’ Arthur whispers. He doesn’t wait for a response and tried to sit up, reaching out. Too late. Too late. Too late.

‘I don’t know how, I can’t go on without you, Arthur,’ Merlin sobs. 

‘We’re two sides of the same coin, remember? The druids have talked about us for centuries. You can’t leave me,’ he hisses, clawing at him in a broken frenzy.

‘Merlin,’ Arthur says. ‘I don’t know what’s waiting for me. But I do know that I will always return to you, no matter what life, no matter how far I am away from you. I promise, I will always keep fighting. We  _ will _ meet again,’ he says with the finality that makes Merlin wish to believe him. 

‘I-‘ Arthur wheezes, pulling their foreheads close, ‘I love you, Merlin.’

‘Arthur,’ Merlin sobs, gritted teeth and hands tearing at the grass. 

‘Arthur, you  _ can’t _ .’

Arthur’s eyes close. For the last time? The world hasn’t decided yet.

‘Arthur, no, come back to me, Arthur, I love you too,’ Merlin screams but only the birds hear, who in turn cry out, calling to the pain their warlock was releasing, slamming through the silent forest. 

‘I love you too,’ Merlin whispers into the empty, broken air. ‘I love you too, Arthur.’

Grief, in its many forms is a strange, twisted thing, because Merlin knows in his heart that people need him; he needs to tell Camelot but Camelot is no more. Camelot was Arthur, and now Arthur is gone. 

What is the point of an unfinished painting when the brushes are all missing?

‘We will meet again,’ Arthur said, eons ago, lifetimes ago. 

But Arthur will never come back and Merlin is alone.

‘I love you,’ Merlin whispers, and makes his way to the lake. 

_ Far too young to die _

**Author's Note:**

> Come follow me on tumblr @arthurlervesmerlin if you want... haha just kidding... unless?
> 
> Please comment and tell me what you thought! Every time someone comments my broken heart heals even more
> 
> ALSO I have a new Merthur playlist on Spotify IF anyone’s interested...  
https://open.spotify.com/user/irisleachdowe/playlist/6hXdUSIQrkSdvaeAKqgAR7?si=9eJycen1QvqVVWQ1DuSaVw


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